Emily the Strange

I don't believe it. The indignity of being thrown out of my own house!
They don't know how lucky they are to have me, those mums.
Firstly Littlemum shouted at us because Oscar told me to come taste the nice fresh bread that Bigmum baked. He's always getting us into trouble, usually over food.
Oscar said they wouldn't notice, but Littlemum shouted 'there's a bloody big hole in the middle' so they noticed alright.
This put me in a very bad mood. So I beat Paddy up, and then tried to batter poxy Roxie and Ronnie the runt, but Littlemum caught me and put me outside. Those kittens are not nearly good looking enough to live here, I keep telling them 'your names not down, you're not coming in' but they take no notice.
I, on the other paw, am both useful, and decorative, and yet its me that gets put outside!
It's a disgrace.

Paddy

Guinness is home! I went looking all round the fields and the ruins, and when I got home again, there she was, chat chat chatting to the mums.
We cuddled together on Littlemums lap. Guinness gave my ears a good licking- they must have tasted really good after three days without her washing them. And then sleep. As close and close around each other as we could be.
We love each uvver, my sister and me. Mmmmmmm.

Guinness

Whats all the fuss? I was only away for two dark-times! Wheres my bruvver?

Paddy

Dear Mums,
Please don't worry about me, I have gone to look for Guinness.
xxx

Paddy

I can’t find my twin sister Guinness. We were borned here when Mummy Cat sneaked into the house and behind the shelf.
Littlemum was away, or she would have noticed. But Tompkin kept coming to have a look, and finally Bigmum found us and made sure we stayed safe.
I had brothers and sisters, but I forget who they are now. But me and Guinness stayed together, and have hardly been apart for the past fourteen months.
The mums call us the Twinnies and Bigmum calls us GuinnessPaddy or PaddyGuinness ‘cos she can never tell the difference, even though I am a bit bigger and a boy.
We never stopped chatting, me and my sister, to each other, and to the mums.
But for two days now we have been calling her.
And the mums say they are worried because of the cars and the poison and the disappearing that happens.
And there has been a bad sad feeling in the house for the past few daytimes, since even before Guinness went away…
I don’t know why, but the mums keep telling us to be careful and to run away if any strangers, especially the boy ones, tries to be nice to us.
I want my sister. Come home Guinness, come home.

Rupert

I just can't setttle. I am fed up now. I want to go out. I want to take my evening walk with Littlemum and that dog. I want to meet up with my outsidey mates - Rita, the Georges, Tompkin and Romeo.
I want look in the dustbins for a fish head, or go wait until Shoutyman Catangel drives home when the moon is high and throws down delicious food for all the outsideys.
Shoutyman knows we tell fibs, that we are insideys really, but he doesn't mind.
I still hurt, and I have a very itchy ear. And when I try to scratch it, my leg wont stretch so I fall over.
So Littlemum squirts stuff in my ears. More medicine she says. It will make me feel better, she says.Yeah right.

Ronnie

I don’t understand. Rupert is being so moody. One minute he will hold me tight and clean me, and then the next minute, when I try to get him to play, he nips me and bashes me on the head. I’m only little and he’s the only one of the grown up cats that’s been nice to me. Littlemum says I must leave him alone and play with my new friend Roxy. Roxy came to live with us just last week and he is a bit bigger than me. He was dumped outside the house of Shoutyman Catangel,

but he didn’t want to stay there and so Littlemum said he could live here instead.

I haven’t lived here very long. Well – I haven’t lived very long at all yet!

I was lost and my eyes were stuck together and I cried and cried for my mummy but she didn’t come. But Littlemum heard me and picked me up and held me tight and cleaned my eyes, and gave me some special milk until I learned to chew. Now I can eat anything.

I like what the mums have to eat, and I climb all over them to try to catch their food when they eat. It’s a good game.

But the mums don’t like it and since I bit Bigmums nose and scratched her lip and made her shout ‘f***ing hell – that’s enough now”, I am shut in another room when they eat. Bigmum had dots of the wet red stuff on her mouth and nose but she wouldn’t let me lick it off for her.

They want me to grow big, so why don’t they let me eat their food?

Today Littlemum puts me in a bowl and weighs me and tells me I am doing well. “Well done Ronnie, you’ve put on some weight.” She says I was 180 grammes when she found me three weeks ago. Now I am big. I am 450 grammes. I am nearly too big to sit in Littlemums hand.

“Do you want to get big and strong like Rupert, Ronnie?” says Bigmum. “You do Ron Ron, you do Ron Ron.” She laughs. Litlemum says “Oh Mum…” and makes a smiley face and looks up to the sky.

Bean

Bigmum stayed in bed very late today so I jumped onto the bed and stared and stared at her until she opened her eyes.
'Good morning, where have you been Bean?' she says. She moves her foot and it makes me jump. 'Ah, are you a jumping bean today'?
I roll over to let her tickle my tummy . 'Oh Bean you're getting fat. You need more exercise. You need to be a runner Bean, so you don't become a jelly Bean.' She laughs, climbs out of bed, and I wind in and out of her legs as we go downstairs. 'Oh Bean, be careful' says Bigmum. 'If I fall on top of you, you will be a has Bean'.
I don't know what a Has is but I don't think I don't think its good even though Bigmum is laughing again, so I run on down the stairs, lie by the door and put on my 'please feed me' look. But she and Littlemum are more concerned about Rupert.
I wonder how he learned to walk like that. It certainly works for him...

Rupert

I could get used to this...room service. I am allowed to stay indoors all day and dont even have to do my toilet outside.
I cant move much right now, and every time I cry, Littlemum talks to me and asks if I am ok, if I want food or a drink. But I am wary cos sometimes she holds me tight and squirts nasty stuff down my throat and it makes my mouth go all bubbly.
It is medicine she says. It will help the pain.
Two days ago I was crying all the time. I don't know what happened - I think I was hit by one of those four-wheeled monsters called cars. There is a cat doctor in town at the moment. She is supposed to be on holiday, but she checked all over my body and said nothings broken. But my claws are torn and my back legs hurts.
My mate Keef was hit by a car outside the house not long ago, he laid very still and his white fur had wet red all over. Bigmum said 'oh no' then Littlemum ran out and gathered him in a blanket and she put her head close to him and she cried.
They took him to a place far away called the beach. I hope he's happy there. I think I will stay here...any more ham mum?